Lord Superior IX

Lord Superior, the ninth of his name, and the eight to compete in the SnailRace8000, has already lodged a complaint with SCEACFOSRA about the size of his quarters (which in fact are eighths because it’s an octagon). He is disgusted that his area is no bigger than Dennis’s, and thinks that because Dennis and O Dogg are used to living in squalor, they should be forced to share with each other and Lord Superior IX should be given one of their sections. Dennis said he’d be happy to share with anyone and ODogg didn’t care either way, but SCEACFOSRA forbade any changes in The Octagon.

Lord Superior IX is a pureblood direct descendant from one of the oldest and wealthiest families in the Distinguished Illustrious Clan. His father restored the family’s honour after his grandfather, Lord Superior VII, brought shame to the family by finishing second in the final heat of the 1000to1. Of course, he was stripped of his title and forbidden to use the Superior name. He now goes by Tony and is a bag packer in SnAildi.

While Lord Superior IX has been handed everything in life on a silver platter, he is one of the hot favourites to win the SnailRace8000 this year. His times in the 1000to1 heats were lightning-quick, breaking the record for top speed. Some sceptics think the speedometer needed to be recalibrated when they saw he achieved a speed of 0.051 kph.

Lord Superior IX is taking this competition very seriously, and when asked by our reporter what method of training he’d be using to ensure his success, he replied, “Don’t talk to me”, before walking away and mumbling “Peasant” under his breath.